Late Thoughts....

It's nice here around 2am. The town is quite and the night is cool. Sitting here thinkin...and then not. I like the not. smile. Makes me feel better not to think somtimes. I have a habit of over thinking things, makes my brain sore. It's a bad habit, like biting my nails. I like to maintain a mellow temperence and focus on the now. So when over thinking begins I have to meditate on calm things and bring mysef back to the moment. The moment is...it's nice here at two am.... my box fan is humming and there is a cool breeze moving through the room. the only light is coming from my tv, which is muted and the screen of my dell. There is a slight ringing in my ears, but thats normal. From my desk I see some pictures of friends of mine, bryan and jill, aeneas and julie, kristin and jenn. There is a frieght train rolling through town and it just let out a lonley drone, the horn that replaced the whistle as it lumbers by the crossing at the state park. Off in the distance I can hear the slight rustle of leaves sliding across the tin roof, the fan is still humming softly. The sound of the keys of the computer as I type this doesnt affect the traquillity of the room. I think of the ride the other day, The same type of oneness of things that can be had from it can be gotten by simply bringing focus to the moment at hand. I live in " this moment, the now" and here is where life is pain is past tense, so is fear and ego. I enjoy this moment. Hope you do too.

A return to the road.

Got the time and oppertunity to take the bike out with a friend yesterday. First real ride time I've had since I've repaired it. It was a little cool but fantastic. We left out of here around 1pm and went west on highway 42 in lake county. 42 is a medium used road that cuts through the bowls of old florida like a fat kid in the buffet line. Lots old houses and orchards, some of which date back 40 years, which for this state, is really hanging in there. We ended up in weirsdale and took a right on highway 25 west, finding a cool po-dunk bb-q place in the realitive middle of nowhere. Stopping for cheeseburgers and beer, we kicked back and enjoyed the hopstiality of the place. I love these little out of the way places, there usally not very busy and are great for killing time. just got to be carfule though, I've go into A few roadside bars and shortly after wondered if I'd ever get out again, except in bloodly hefty bag. but after one or two of those kinda of situations, you learn to spot those kind of bars and avoid them when not in the mood to fight for you life. this was one of the good kind.


Jen was all about the super cheezeburger she orderd, it filled some need ( other than hunger) and she just started mumbleing " hmmm happy" every 30 seconds or so. (shrug) We left and sped up into ocala, turing north and connecting with SR-40 east.
Following that through the forest and down into astor, stoped again for a shot and a brew at the steel around bar. Played some pool and sped away, trying to reach the house before sunset.

We rolled into my driveway at dark, parking the bikes and flopping into the chairs to watch the Simpsons...tired but happy... with the wind still ringing in our ears.

I am a bear of very little brain, and big words bother me.

I find great comfort in that silly line. These last few days, weeks, month's...Man. man'o'man'o'man, where the fuck do I begin. It's like riding my bike backwards at 90 mph while trying to masturbate with the wrong hand...Could be fun for a while, but soon than later its gonna be messy. The days have all run into a kinda of sterile pine scented blur. I'm sleeping better though, but it wont last. Weird dreams. Last night I dreamt That I watched a little girl try to jump a ramp with her bike, She hit the ground hard and went unconscious. I then used opened my cheesebuger to call 911, the numbers on my phone where in the cheese, but I couldn't hear the operator, so I put the slice of cheese to my ear and grave her the directions, then threw it away. It kinda figures that I wouldn't get good service when making a call on a cheeseburger, but that's life.

Spent wendsday fishing with tony, caught a couple of trout, fed one two a pelican and let the other go. We smoked and chatted on the dock till dark, then met with jen and ate. Ended up at my place sitting by a fire getting drunk and talkin shit. Good times. Woke up and felt guilty for having such a good day. Really bummed out. I don't know why I get that way, Had I stayed home and not done shit, would have felt fine. Strange. Hard for me to justify having any real fun, and I have to or I' really get bent out shape about it. Not that I'm missing out on studying or doing anything productive, I could have really sat on my ass and felt better about myself than I did this morning. Felt like I was wasting time, But I spent it better that day then most days. Anyway, I was still a good day. Most of my fun Is derived from cleaning my guns and drinking with my class mates after class.. Much more in the mood to sit and listen to whatever anyone has to say. Been trying to go for a ride but shit keeps getting in the way mostly been pussing out cause of the temp, it drops to the 50s at night and I'm to old and tired to enjoy ridding in that kind of weather. Give me 80s at night and they'll never see me at home. The bike is riding great. Rather pleased bout that. Thank the great greasy gonads of god that this fusion school thing is all most over. Any longer and I'm driving a roofing nail through my skull. Flat end first. I moving to the hundred acre wood and putting up a great big fence with razor wire on it and a sign that says " Heavily armed, poorly medicated, Paranoid Bi-polar alcoholic ahead! Approach at own risk!" maybe that will help. Well this has been a great rant. If you want to hear more , don't worry, I'll be coming to an ambulance service near you real soon.


sungod