Thursday, June 08, 2006

Prison Tales- the writtings of a feline POW

Day 383 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture and
urinating on the bath mat.Tomorrow I may eat another house plant

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on
their favorite chair - must try this on their bed, or swallow enough
thread from my captors mending basket to produce a trailing piece of fecal
matter.

I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of the horror that I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was. Hmm, not working according to plan... Later, there
was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary
throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the
food.

More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers
of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. My
proof is that the dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. When I recently was able to view the dog's journal, my suspicisions were confirmed. It read as follows...

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!


The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, as he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. Again I will bid my time, the winter of their discontent is upon them, and soon.... Victory shall be mine!

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